Where do I begin?

Last Friday was transfer time. Out of the 4 embryo's that we had, two of them stopped growing and where below a level 2. They do not transfer embryo's that are 3 or 4. We got information that my eggs were not good. The embryo's were growing too slow and had not made it to level 1 yet. The remaining two embryo's were a level 2. So this means that are 40% chance of conceiving just went down to only 15%. I was completely heartbroken.
They transferred the 2 embryo's and the transfer itself was flawless. It was really cool to see. I had to lay down with my eyes closed, but after they were put in I could see the ultrasound and you could just see 2 bright circles. It really was amazing to see that they could be potential children. it really is touching to see these things and experience. It just brings a special spirit of what an amazing god we have, and what amazing people we all are to him. We are all his children and he loves us.
Through this process I have not always felt that way. I have questioned god a lot. Why would he do this to me? Does he not care about me? Of course he does! He sees the whole picture. He wants us to trust him and have faith WITH hope. Through these hard times we gain compassion for others, because everyone goes through hard times and we need to be aware of them and show are love for them. The Lord works through us to help those around us. I hope we can always have a listening heart to what others might need. Let them know they are not alone.

At transfer my doctor could see that my belly had really swollen up, so to prevent me from hypo ovarian syndrome (ohss) She gave me an albumin drip and some Versed and sucked some fluid out.
I continued to feel lousy and my belly really was swelling! I was extremely uncomfortable. I had an appointment on Sunday so they could make sure everything was ok, and to give me the albumin drip again. At this point I was really suffering. I could hardly breath. I had gained 11 pounds!! Yes, 11 pounds in a week. So at my appointment on Sunday she did an ultrasound and I was full of fluid. It was even surrounding my liver and lungs! Not a good thing. My blood was really thick and things were not being circulated or flushed out. So they had to admit me straight to the hospital. I was given Demerol. Yeah!! The only problem was I was so sleepy and they just do not leave you alone at the hospital! Could a girl just get some sleep!! Everyone was really wonderful and treated me very well. I had to have daily measurements of my stomach. I was on stricked input, output. Record everything I drink and everything that comes out. I had to be weighed daily, My blood drawn twice a day, and I had an albumin drip every 6 hours.
I'm happy to say I'm out of the hospital and doing well. The 11 pounds are gone and I can breath again.
The big day for the pregnancy test in the office is Tuesday, August 5th. scary!! My mom flew in to be with me last night. Mom's are the best!! Having her here really means a lot to me.
Shaun and I are hoping for the best and trying to prepare ourselves for the worst.
With my awesome husbands help I know that Shaun and I will have children some day. Maybe they will not come through us and we will adopt. They will be ours, and we will be thankful to God for trusting us with there special spirits. No matter how they come into home and our hearts.