Thursday, May 28, 2009

6 week check up and more to think about

On Tuesday I went to my 6 week check up with Dr. Damore. I brought Max with me which gave me a lot of stress worrying about how he was going to be. I could just picture myself up in the stirrups being "assessed" and he would be screaming for me to hold him. Thankfully that didn't happen. He slept through the whole thing. Whew!

At my appointment we talked about birth control (ha, ha) As you know we had to do In-Vitro to have Max. I'm always hearing stories about people being able to get pregnant on their own after they could not before. That would be fantastic. But I'm still going on the birth control. I'm not ready for number 2 just yet.

I'm always wondering if Shaun and I will have another baby. I don't know if I could do In-Vitro again. But then I think about how it gave me Max and it was all worth it. It's so emotionally, physically, and financially draining. I'm not ready to go through it again just yet.
I don't know if I could handle it if we didn't have the success that we had the first time resulting in our Max. My heart might just break and I would grumble to pieces. Although, I do have Max which I think would help me pick up the pieces. I would be so thankful that I had him. It's just so hard to put yourself out there and be completely vulnerable. At least for me it is.

We also think about adopting but that takes a lot of time and can also be emotionally and financially draining. I do know that I love children and there are so many children around the world that need to be adopted. I know I have the heart to love them! I feel that it would be such a great blessing. I really hope I can get the opportunity to adopt. I just don't know when it would happen. We would have to save up the money and then the whole process takes time. We might be too old by then.

I worry about Max being an only child. I worry about spoiling him too much! I think that would be so easy to do. Not intentionally of course. The good thing is that Shaun and I are aware of the situation and will make sure to have balance. I want Max to be a well rounded person.

I don't know what will happen with our family. I do know that our lives are so much more enriched now that we have Max. We are a family unit. There is always room for more but if it doesn't happen I still feel complete.
I do find it awesome how I love Shaun even more just because he is Max's dad. It's a whole other level of love. I'll feel the same way about any other child that comes to us. Know matter how they come, They will be ours and I will be thankful:)

Friday, May 22, 2009

I can get up for this

:) :)Smiles:):)

Are you smiling yet? You should be.

I was so tired this morning. Max was up from 12:50am to 3:30am. It was terrible. He then woke up again at 5:30am. I feed him and placed him in bed with me. I've been doing this the last couple of days for that early morning feeding (between 4:00am and 5:30am) hoping he'll go right back to bed being close to me. Then I could go back to bed.
I probably should not make a habit of doing this but I'm so tired after being up with him at different intervals throughout the night. I feel so drained. So after the early morning feeding I keep him in my bed.
He tends to flail his arms and grunt a lot. It makes it hard to sleep but he is content.
This morning he started waking up. I was so tired I could barely move. I was hoping he would entertain himself for a while. I could not believe after being up for most of the night he was getting up so soon.
I pry my eyes open and start to talk to him. He then starts to kick his legs and flail his arms with excitement. I move him closer to me. We are looking at each other face to face on the pillow and he starts giving me the biggest smiles as I talk to him. I decided I could get up after all. Those smiles make me feel so appreciated. He's happy to see me and it makes me feel so good.

He's been giving me these great smiles every morning. Today he was giving them to me throughout the day. It's the best and makes me smile. They are contagious. You see the pictures, How do you not feel happy after seeing them?

Here is some MORE pictures I love. I can't help it. I love taking pictures of him.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Doing nothing and feeling good about it

Yesterday I had the best day. I decided that I was NOT going to feel guilty or worry about all the things that I should or could be doing. The laundry could wait. The house could wait to be cleaned. The errands could be done another day. All those things could wait. I never really can get all that stuff done but I'm always thinking about it and wishing I could. Not yesterday.
I was going to relax and enjoy some snuggle time with Max and not think of things I could or should be doing.
there is always something we could, should, or need to do for many reasons. But today I was going to sit in the rocker with Max asleep on my chest and watch a movie. Guilt free and worry free.
It was wonderful! When I had to get up to go to the bathroom or get something to eat. I would lay Max in is bouncer and then instead of thinking, While he is sleeping and content in his bouncer, What could I hurry and get done. NO!! I picked him right back up and put him back on my chest and thought this is what is really important. I just enjoyed snuggling him while I watched a movie, T.V, and took a nap. It was awesome!! The rest of the world could go on with the mundane. I was going to enjoy this time.
I always enjoy snuggling with Max but it's even better to do with a clear mind and just enjoy doing NOTHING!! Because a lot of times things don't get done because we don't have time, We're too exhausted, Or we have other people to take care of. I let it all go. It felt awesome! Thanks Max for helping me to enjoy what really is important.

"In all living, have much fun and laughter, Life is to be enjoyed not just endured."
Gordon B. Hinkley

Max is also back to taking some nice naps during the day:)

(In the bouncer just for a second then back to snuggling with me:)

Here's a few pictures of the "photo shoot" from yesterday. I can't stop taking pictures of him. So expect to see a lot more. In these photos you can see his eyes are turning more blue.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Wanted by the mommy police

for not sleeping and unnecessary grumpiness

Max was being so cranky today! He wouldn't really sleep and he was crying and fussing all day. I normally can calm him down and get him to go down for some nice long naps. Not today. I had to have a mommy time out and let him cry and even scream. He was not happy about it. I've never been able to let him scream like that but I needed to get into the shower and I needed a break.
Finally sometime late afternoon I decided to take him for a car ride and see if I couldn't get him to sleep. He screamed at first and then........sweet silence. Then he started to cry again. Then......sweet silence. Finally he had to be sleeping. I drive home get out of the car and look in on him. This is what I find.......

Max not sleeping!!

I bring him inside and hope he will just fall asleep in the car seat. He was being really mellow at this point. here he is getting sleepy eyed.

Finally after a little fussing he falls asleep

Finally I think he's into a deep sleep because he has let the Binky fall from his mouth

I can finally get something done. I start to pick up the house when only 15 minutes later he's up and crying again!! This is what he's been doing all day. Falling asleep then waking up a short time later and being really cranky! He wanted me to hold him all day and even then he was still grumpy.
I feed him and he falls asleep on my chest. Yes!! I leave him on my chest to sleep for about a half and hour and make sure he is in a deep sleep. He hasn't moved and he is breathing really heavy. I then take him into his room and lay him so softly into his crib. I was really hungry and needed to eat. I put him down in his crib and this happens.........

He completely wakes up!! AHHHHHH!!!
My plan now is to try and keep him up until 7:00pm and I will give him a bath and put him to bed at 8:00pm and hope he will sleep really good tonight. Of course, Because I want him to stay awake he starts completely falling asleep!!
I finally give him his bath and get him to sleep on my chest and I was finally able to put him in his crib and he has been sleeping!! Yippee!! Will see how tonight and tomorrow are. One day at a time with a little baby.
It's a good thing he gives me these cute smiles. Makes everything all better! I wish I could capture on camera his really big smile! I have not been able to get a picture of it yet. His smiles really make my day! Keep smiling for mommy!! She loves them! And your cute dimples.

Friday, May 15, 2009

My new hair due

I had a baby and that means a new hair due. right? So I got it cut. Here's some pictures of my new due. I took these pictures myself. Can you tell? I don't have any eye make-up on. Who has time for that with a new baby? I usually try to put my make-up on even if I'm not planning on going anywhere so I can still feel like a normal person. Even if I feel like the walking dead with all those late night feeding calls from my little Max. Today I skipped the make-up. Living on the edge. So here I am just being me.
Mind you that it's been 3 days since I got this new hair due and no I have not yet washed it! I try to make it last as long as possible so I don't have to do it. I have washed my body so don't worry about that. I don't stink. I hope not anyway.
My hair was a lot cuter when Lindsey did it the first day. :) Thanks Lindsey for my new due. Maybe I'll wash it tomorrow? Hmmmmmm.......... Will see what tomorrow brings. (ha, ha) I don't think I have a choice but to wash it. I don't want dread locks.

This is how it really will look most of the time. It's too hot in Arizona and I need it out of my face. Again, I am a new busy mommy.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day/Women day. I say that because today in church one of the speakers made a comment about how Eve was named Eve because she was the mother of all living. Even before she ever was a mother.
All women have that wonderful nature that makes them nurturers. We have unique characteristics that gives us that caring gentleness.

My mom gave me a book for mothers day which had these quotes that I liked.

"A mother is she who can take the place of all others but whose place no one else can take."
Cardinal Mermillod

"Motherhood brings as much joy as ever, but it still brings boredom, exhaustion, and sorrow too. Nothing else ever will make you as happy or as sad, as proud or as tired, for nothing is quite as hard as helping a person develop his own individuality especially while you struggle to keep your own."
Marguerite Kelly and Elia Parsons

I LOVE being a mom!! It is the best feeling in the world! I have a great example to look up to, My Mom. I LOVE YOU MOM!! Thanks for being such an AMAZING mom! You are so wonderful in so many ways!!

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

My two best guys!

Shaun and Max looked so cute together sitting in the chair with Max asleep on Shaun's chest. I decided to take some pictures. I LOVE these pictures. The lighting from the window was perfect. I'm one lucky girl to have these two in my life.

This picture I got when we went to the temple grounds and put down a blanket and relaxed as a family. Max holding onto Shaun's finger. Adorable!

Sunday, May 3, 2009

What's been going on

This is what's been going on with us


Our little Max pretty much runs the show around here. We're actually in the process this week of getting him on a schedule. This can be really hard to do. It's a work in progress but seems to be going well. We love our little guy. He's a lot of work and worth every bit of it!!

I've been really blessed because Shaun has been able to be home with us this whole time. I don't know what I'm going to do when it's just all me. That's why this schedule thing is so important. I need time to do even the simple things. Like going pee!

I tend to be a mother hen with this little guy. Even when Shaun has him I need to know what's going on? How's he doing? What's he been doing? I'm learning to TRY and relax.

My mom and dad came to visit last week. That was really fun and helpful. Shaun and I actually went to lunch together while my mom and dad watched Max. What a treat that was. It's so funny how everything changes when the baby comes. We pretty much talked about how we can't believe how tired we are! And then we still wanted to rush home to be with Max. Thanks mom and dad for all your help!! We love you!! You really did so much to help us.

Mom snuggling with Max. There is nothing better than snuggling a baby. Expecially a very healthy 10 pounds 10 ounces. As of May 2nd. Way to go Max.

One awesome grandpa! Really my dad is the best grandpa!

***Make sure to scroll down to the next post to read about the amazing gift Max and I received.***:)

An amazing gift

While my mom and dad were here. My mom told me to go and sit down. She had something to give to me. She presented me with this beautifully knitted blue blanket.

I absolutely love homemade things like this so I was immediately excited. "Did you make this?" I asked.

My mom replied with, "I didn't make it, Your grandma Prescott made it."


My eyes well up with tears. My grandma Prescott has passed away 8 years ago. I still miss her all the time. She was an amazing grandma. I love her very much. I still think about her all the time and hope she knows how much I love her. Her death was a shock to us. I never got to say goodbye.

My mom said that before she died she knitted these blankets. She wanted to give each of us a blanket for are first born child. When she died my mom got a blue and a white one. When she found out I was having a boy she was so happy to give me the blue one.

My grandma always made us these wonderful bedspread quilts. I absolutely loved these blankets. I still remember the one she gave me that was all pastel colored blocks. I LOVED that blanket. Now Max gets his own special blanket. This really means a lot to me! I love you grandma. Thanks mom for saving this special blanket for me and for Max. I'll be sure to tell him what a special grandma I had and what a special grandma he has.

The blanket actually is blue with white pearl shimmers in it. You can't see the speckle of white in the picture. It really is a beautiful blanket.

Me and my grandma

Friday, May 1, 2009

My labor story

After having my membranes stripped at my doctors appointment on Thursday (April 9th)I instantly started to have back pain and cramping. I was sure this had to work to get me started into labor. If not I was going to be really mad because I was so uncomfortable.
Through out the night my back ached and things started to happen. (I won't gross you with details) I was just waiting for the contractions to really hit me. They never did. I just had a lot of back pain. I started to get worried that nothing was going to happen and now I'm really uncomfortable with cramps and back pain.
In the morning I started to have some things happen again. (I won't gross you with details again) I really thought something was happening but I was not having regular contractions. Because of the other stuff happening and this really uncomfortable back pain I called my mom. She and Shaun both said I should call the doctor.
I called the doctor and told them what was happening and they said I should go right to the hospital and have them check me out in labor and delivery triage. So we jump in the car and the whole way to the hospital I'm telling Shaun how embarrassing it's going to be when they just end up sending me home. I thought because I was not having regular contractions they would just tell me to go home and wait. Shaun was really optimistic and said that he thought this was it.
We get to the hospital and tell them my doctor told us to come in and be checked. I was so embarrassed because I felt like they thought I was ridiculous walking in and telling them, "Could you check and see if I'm in labor?"
We checked in at about 12:00pm. They give me a room and have me undress. She checks me and we find out that I'm dilated to a five! She wraps the belts around my belly to monitor the contractions and tells me I'm having contractions every 2 to 5 minutes!! What! I can't tell I'm having these contractions because all my labor was in my back! This baby is coming down sunny side up! Which means he is coming down with his face up instead of face down. Which means the hard part of his skull was pushing on my back. The nurse tells me I'm the calmest person she has seen that was dilated to a five. I start to feel good and get really excited that this is really going to happen and I should be having Max that day! On good Friday before Easter. This was turning out to be a very good Friday indeed.
I could have my epidural at any time but because my contractions seemed to be irregular when I was resting and I seemed to be handling my contractions I would just hold off so I could still walk around and try to rotate my hips to see if we could get Max to rotate face down.
My mother-in-law Marge and my sister-in-law Kelley come for a visit at 1:30pm and we go for a walk. My contractions start to get more regular as we walk around. I start to finally notice when they are coming by the pressure down low in my pelvis and I feel more pain in my back. I then feel my stomach and it's really hard and feels like braxten hicks. I was having all my pain in my back.
Dr. Damore comes in at about 4:00pm to check on me. She was not going to be on-call for the night but she came to check on me and to see about breaking my water. We find that I'm now dilated to a 6-7. She breaks my water at 4:20pm. I now need an epidural!! My contractions instantly start to be more painful. Next time I will be sure to get the epidural BEFORE I have my water break. I get the epidural at 5:oopm. What a weird sensation that is. I loved not being able to feel any pain but it was really annoying at the same time. I could not move my legs and they felt like they were asleep. When they first gave me the epidural I still could feel pain on my right side so they came back and fixed me up to feel nothing.
At 5:25pm I was now dilated to a 7-8. I love not being able to feel anything! It was so weird. I keep trying to move my legs because they felt like they were going to fall off the table. It would be so funny to try and move them. They would just flinch or jump but I could not feel them at all.
At 7:36pm I am now dilated to a 10! I was ready for pushing! Because they don't let you eat anything and I had not had lunch earlier that day we decided to get some juice in me to help me get ready for pushing. I start to push at 7:55pm.
Shaun and I thought that this labor was going so well. I was progressing every time they checked me. I didn't need any drugs to help me dilate. Everything was going great until..........I started pushing! At first it was not so bad. We all thought I would have Max out in no time. Then I start to push and push and push. I start to get exhausted and keep asking the nurse, "How much longer do you think?" In the end I ended up pushing for 3 and 1/2 hours!!! Which felt like forever and was so unbelievably exhausting. I keep looking at the clock thinking, Just a 1/2 hour more, then that would pass and we all thought it would be soon and then another 1/2 hour would go by! It was awful by the end! I even started to feel the contractions in my hips. Terrible!! I had to stop a couple times to throw-up over and over.
The doctor on call was Dr. Hartzfeld. She came in to see me earlier and when she came back in to see me after I was pushing for what felt like forever. She said she was wondering if we had the baby without her because we had not called her in yet.
Dr. Hartzfeld said I could do this and we could have this baby out in 1/2 hour. I start to push again with the doctor cheering me on. I keep pushing and finally she tells me that the baby is right there but we need to talk about a C-section or because the baby was almost there we could try and do the vacuum and help suction him out while I push.
At this point I'm in tears and so exhausted. I did not want to have a C-section. Especially after all that pushing! We would have to push the baby back up!!
We decide to give a couple more really good pushes and then one last push and she would vacuum him out.
They had 2 more nurse's come in and help with this. They all start cheering me on and I'm sure they needed the extra help just in case something went wrong.
My doctor and all the labor nurses where so awesome! They really helped me to get through that final push.
Shaun was helping the whole time and he was feeling so terrible for me. He wanted to just go ahead and do the C-section. He wanted it to be over for me. I on the other hand did not. I made that VERY clear to him. ;)
Poor Shaun was helping lift my left leg the whole time I was pushing he was at my left side. For the final push with the vacuum the other nurses had to take over and he had to stand back. When we finally had that last push with everyone cheering me on and the doctor pulling Max out with the vacuum, Shaun almost lost it. He had to turn away and walk to the back of the room. He was so worried. It was quite a graphic scene. Finally Max was here at 11:38pm. Just in time to still be Good Friday!
I did end up with a 4 degree tear. That's right, a tear all the way to the rectum! Yikes!
When we found out that Max weighed 8 pounds 13 ounces!! Everyone was shocked. My doctor said if she knew he was that big she would have scheduled a C-section! She thought I carried him really well. 8 pounds 13 ounces and 21 and 1/2 inches long! He was a big boy and I love every bit of him. They cleaned Max up and I wanted to do skin to skin. They placed him naked on my naked chest and I instantly fell in love. He had big hands and big feet and I thought he was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I could not stop smiling and staring at him. Even when shortly after they placed him on me, He peed on me! I had a good laugh which was much needed after a long day. Max has sense then peed on me several times plus his dad, himself, the changing table, the floor next to the changing table, and the wall next to the changing table. BOYS!!! You've got to love them!!
Shaun told me later that it was the best thing to see how I was so distressed before but the minute I saw Max I was completely changed and I was so happy. It was all worth it!!!
They kept us in labor in delivery until I felt better. The first time they got me up to go to the bathroom I passed out! They had to put the smelly stuff to my nose. I wanted them to just let me sleep! I was really nauseous.
At 5:00am they moved us to our room we would stay at for the remaining time at the hospital. The best feeling I remember is having Max lying on my chest as we both slept. I really couldn't sleep that well because I was on such an adrenaline rush I wanted to savor that moment with Max asleep on my chest. So precious.
When we found Max had Jaundice. They told us he would have to stay in the hospital an extra day under the lights. I cried. Then I cried even more when they said I would be released to go home.
They then did something so wonderful! They let me do something called "nesting" I got to stay in my room but really I was discharged. Which means I no longer had my meals brought to me and the nurses no longer could help me. I was on my own but I still got to stay. It was so wonderful!! I got to stay in the room free of charge!! It was so amazing what they did for me!!

Here I am Being checked in

Kelley comes for a visit

Shaun wanting to take a picture of us together and I get a contraction. I think this picture is so funny with Shaun smiling and me trying to get through a contraction.

Here I am after my epidural. Notice the way my legs are spread completely numb and unmovable.

This was Erin. She was my nurse with me through out my labor. She was helping me push the whole time. Her shift ended at 10:00pm but she stayed until 10:30 to be with us. She wanted to see Max come out. She was not aloud to stay any longer because of overtime. I felt so bad. She was with me helping me the whole time. I wish she could have seen him come out.

The first picture of Max right after he was born. He looks good for being stuck in the birth canal for so long.

Max's stats
Born April 10th 2009
Time 11:38PM
8 pounds 13 ounces
Length 21 & 1/2 inches long
Head 14 & 1/4 inches
Chest 13 & 1/2 inches

Angie, Tara, and Kelley waited in the waiting room through the never ending pushing to see Max. Thanks girls! I love you!

Thanks to the Porters and the Brunsons for decorating our house for our return with Max. We love you!