Monday, March 16, 2009

What I know to be true

Last week I was at work listening to talk radio. A local guy that I really like was talking about stem cell research. During this discussion, They moved over to talk about in-vitro. I was completely shocked, angry, and felt so hurt I wanted to cry.
They basically were saying that if you weren't supposed to have kids then you can't go and "play god" as they kept putting it. WHAT?!?!

The whole conversation was to put down the process of in-vitro. Almost putting it in the same category as abortion! Everyone wants to "play god" as they kept putting it.
I didn't like the feel of their mocking talk about how we can't always get what we want. If god doesn't what us to have kids then too bad. I was crushed by what the people were insinuating about my motives to go through in-vitro. They made me feel like I was selfish and I was a bad person.

I don't think Shaun and I "played God" I think we got to "know God" through this process. I had to learn the truth to the saying by Neil A. Maxwell, "All we have to give to the father is our will." I was finally able to completely give my will to god. I had done everything I could do and I had to truly give him my will and except his will with regards to having a baby. I think I was finally able to do that after we had gone through all we had been through and were to the process of in-vitro and were waiting to find out if it worked or not. I could finally feel at peace with whatever the outcome was to be. My will would be God's will.

I have no doubt that the reason I'm pregnant now is because of God. There is not a day that goes by that I don't thank him in prayer for my little miracle Max.
I got to see the hand of God through this amazing process. It's been really hard. I've shed a lot of tears and had to go through a lot of physical, emotional, and mentally challenging things. Isn't that the point of trials? to learn and grow and hopefully turn ourselves to god and become closer to our saviour through his atoning love for us. To be able to feel closer to Heavenly Father and the savior through our hardships and trials can only make us better. Even if it may not feel that way at the time.

I have a better understanding of life. I get to be a mother and have all the challenges that go with it to only better myself. I'll learn what truly being selfless is all about.
I'm grateful for this trial. I've had my ups and downs with it. I've been upset and questioned God's love for me.

In the end I got more then I could of asked for, I got to know God. :):):)
That's a wonderful thing to know! I don't care what those people say. Going through in-vitro does not make me a bad person. It gave me Max! What a wonderful blessing!




5 comments:

Sankat said...

I am sorry :( people can be so mean!

It think it is wonderful that Heavenly Father as given us modern medicine to save lives and bring more children here!!

EmileeandJonny said...

That is horrible! If I were you I would have done the same thing! Family is everything in life and I would have done in-vitro too if that was the only way I could get a baby! I think you did a wonderful thing and it will be a huge blessing in your life!

Chelle! said...

It makes me angry when people express these kind of things. They can have their opinions but, if they have not experienced a certain trial--then they should just keep quiet.

Ammie, Heavenly Father loves you and you have had the privilege and opportunity to grow closer to Him because of your trial. IF it was not suppose to happen in this life, it wouldn't have. I am so grateful to know you and to be able to feel of your strong testimony. I am blessed because I know you.

Chelle! said...

It makes me angry when people express these kind of things. They can have their opinions but, if they have not experienced a certain trial--then they should just keep quiet.

Ammie, Heavenly Father loves you and you have had the privilege and opportunity to grow closer to Him because of your trial. IF it was not suppose to happen in this life, it wouldn't have. I am so grateful to know you and to be able to feel of your strong testimony. I am blessed because I know you.

Kelley M. said...

Amm - i'm covered in goosebumps - we are all thanking God for the blessing of Max in ALL of our lives. thanks for enduring all you did - we all reep the benefits!! Lucky us, what an amazing God.

love you,
kel xox