What is poking me in my pants?!!

The other day as I'm walking out of work to my car I feel a poke. Something was poking me right below my left bum cheek!
Because other people were walking behind me. I very discreetly try and swat at the area being assaulted below my bum cheek.
The poke persist and I start to freak out a little. What is poking me inside my pants?!! My mind starts to race. What horrible little creature has made it's way into my pants and is now wreaking havoc below my bum.
I hurry to my car and see the security guard in the parking lot. I wave hello as calmly as I can while being poked by an unseen assailant in my pants. I wonder if I should yell to him that I'm being poked by something in my pants. I decided with a little chuckle to myself, That was probably beyond his area of protecting.
I get to my car and very roughly sit down and rub my butt side to side pressing down hard into the seat. I was going to have my revenge on whatever gross little bug had made it's way into my pants.
I feel the outside of my pants where the poking is happening and I do feel something! UGH!!
I try to squash it as best I can. Then I carefully reach down my pants below my left bum cheek. What do I find causing me such stress? A fingernail!! I don't know how my fingernail (at least, I hope it was my fingernail) got into my pants. Whew!! Could have been worst, Like a gross pinching bug. You've got to watch out for those loose fingernails.